The one with human reactions

Mon, Jul 28 2008 by Vanessa.

I find it interesting, to say the least, to observe people’s reaction to my life and the choices I make. The type of reactions I receive seem to have morphed over time. Really, three different reactions jump out at me as noticeable and each type of reaction occurred in a specific segment of my life. Segment number 1 encompasses the years 1978 through 2007. The second segment started in Spring 2007 and extended through Spring”ish” 2008. The last segment, of course, just began but provides the most interesting reactions.

Let’s start with the earliest reactions I’ve received - 1978 - 2007. As a young child, growing up in Colorado, I found life pretty easy. I behaved, I completed tasks that were asked of me, I played outdoors and in general, I seldom misbehaved. This lead to the receipt of a large number of approving nods and comments from adults. My teachers loved me, my parents found raising me to be pretty easy and thus, the approving nods and comments. Who could say anything bad to such an obedient young child? The obedience continued through middle school, high school, college and well into adulthood. After all, I did well in school because I love learning, I married my high school sweetheart, I received a couple college degrees which automatically gains you a large number of emphatic nods of approval and even more comments of praise. I moved away from home and earned gainful employment with Lockheed, another accomplishment accompanied by large amounts of praise. I’m not sure why. It’s just Lockheed. I remember comments about big companies equating to stability, or some nonsense like that. Strange, I don’t remember comments about how horrid life would become at Lockheed. No one mentioned how much I’d hate my job. No, they just praised my ability to get a job with a big company who provides good benefits. Good benefits? Isn’t enjoying your life a good benefit? None of that, did I find, at Lockheed! No matter, I managed to construct a “proper” life, with a “respectable” career and a “fairytale” marriage. I checked all the boxes required to be considered successful.

Well, John and I eventually moved to San Antonio and I managed to wiggle my way into a position at a local Research Institute where I thought I’d do research. I know, how silly of me. To think I’d do real research at a Research Institute. Shows how naive I’ve been from the get-go. Regardless, more nods of approval and comments full of praise …. until I decided to leave. The declaration of my intentions to leave the “safe” corporate world to “go out on my own” usually created reactions that were mixed. If I looked closely, the initial reaction of anyone who heard my news was a complete drop in facial structure. This face drop didn’t last long. People find it impossible to hide their initial reactions but quickly catch themselves and throw on an overly wide smile. At this point, people either continued to fakely congratulate me or immediately began telling me about all the extra hours I’m going to have to work now. I especially loved the comments alluding that I’d be back, begging for my old job.

The second segment brought lots of almost-happy faces. People would ask, “So how are things going on your own.” I think they’re mostly happy that I’m still at it, that I’m still happy and still working on my own. I get a lot of comments like “I bet you have to work a lot more than you used to, huh?” It’s true, I do work a lot more but it’s because I want to and choose to.  I’m no longer doing whatever work I’m assigned and therefore have to do. I really do enjoy working for myself. I like choosing what I want to work on and what I do. Basically, I like the freedom.

The newest set of reactions come when I announce the sale of life I’ve built and received so much praise for. People begin crossing their arms, they slowly move back away from me and often times I see the most horrid faces, full of disgust and disapproval. On the other hand, I also see a lot of people who, after a minute or so, relax and comment on how they wish they could do the same thing. I know the choice I’ve made is shocking. Isn’t happiness important? Why are so many people so afraid to be happy? They’re willing to tell you at every opportunity how miserable they are at work but when you suggest they leave it’s almost as if you’ve taken the Lord’s name in vain. Americans find pride in the fact that they are always “busy”, “stressed out”, “tired” and “working 50-60 hours a week.” How in the world is that something to be proud of?

Regardless, I find it interesting what judgmental society we live in. I’m guilty just like the rest. However, I’d like to think that maybe, slowly but surely, I’m learning that just because something doesn’t seem commonplace to me doesn’t mean that it’s not a good thing. I should not arbitrarily dismiss “crazy” ideas and people. They might just be having more fun than I am, and isn’t that what life should be about?

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings | No Comments »