Tue, Sep 30 2008 by Vanessa.

I guess death’s power stems from its finality.  What is it about our human nature that makes average human beings refuse to make significant changes, important changes, in our lives until faced with death?  We all profess that our family and friends top our priority list.  But look at our actions.  “I can’t come visit because I have to work.”  “Sorry son, I can’t play ball this evening, I have to finish up some papers for work.”  Excuses run wild in our society, a society that KNOWS we should profess our friends and family to be top priority.  Actions that match our words, actions that match our so-called priorities don’t run quite so wild.  I’m just as guilty as the next American.

For some reason, there seems to be a large amount of “Cancer Talk” around me these days.  Maybe I’m just starting to pay attention.  The thing I find most interesting about every single Cancer patient I’ve listened to is their overwhelming change in behavior.  Facing death head on seems to change the behavior of human beings in such a way that they actually start living their life in accordance with their priorities list.  Even though we want our priorities to be “family and friends”, I believe that the true priorities of most Americans is anything but.  In the end, what you do speaks louder than what you say.

The recent bailout issue of America’s banks also has me thinking.  I’ve long believed that credit is the bane of our society.  If people saved money, the old fashioned way, BEFORE making purchases I believe our economy’s stability would increase exponentially.  For the record, I’m not an economist.  I’m just using my own version of common sense.  However, I believe that a lack of readily available credit would change people’s shopping habits. For example, let’s say a “typical” American woman walks by a shoe store and sees the perfect pair of leather boots 25% off.  What a deal!  After the discount they’re only $150!  She opens her pocketbook and finds a mere $68 in cash.  Out comes the plastic passport to poverty!  After all, you just HAVE to buy boots that are such a good deal.  Life will in fact end tomorrow without those boots.  Now, let’s imagine life 50 years ago, before credit cards showed up magically in your mailbox each week.  That same woman sees her $68 and has to walk away or get more cash.  Statistics show that Americans save less than ever.  Why?  Because we don’t have to.  Credit makes impulse purchases ranging from $.50 to $50,000+ not only possible but easy.  Whipping out a credit card is much easier than saving money the old fashioned way.

So, how do the bailout and Cancer relate to each other?  Well, not much except I do wonder if the recent threats related to the banking crisis might act as a financial version of a Cancer diagnosis.  Will Americas actually stop and think “If there is a true threat of major companies not being able to make payroll, if there is a true threat of people losing their retirements, if there is a true threat of financial ruin in America then maybe I should tear up some credit cards and start saving more.”  Will this threat of financial ruin actually help people evaluate their financial priorities and urge them to start acting in accordance with those priorities?  I know I’ve been rethinking my own financial strategies lately but that was spurred by our decision to create a new life.  Now I think I need to rethink i all AGAIN!

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Fri, Sep 26 2008 by Vanessa.

Normally, I listen only half-heartedly to the latest happenings in the political world.  Election years remind me why that is.  Is there even a single politician out there who really truly knows what he/she believes in?  From my limited perspective the words that come out of most politician’s mouths change with the tides …. sometimes faster.  I understand that individual politicians rarely write their own speeches but I don’t understand why.  I feel that if you are going to lead people, you need to know what you stand for, where you plan to go, and how you will get there.  Basically, you need to know how you plan to lead!  From my “outsider” viewpoint it seems that I really vote for a team of people who dictate every move of the politician I think I elect.  That isn’t the deal.  If I vote for Bozo the Clown I expect Bozo to write his/her own speeches.  I expect Bozo to know what he/she stands for and then STAND BY THOSE IDEALS.  I expect Bozo to LEAD, not be pushed from here to there, instructed on what he/she should stand for and say today like Pinocchio.  Too bad their noses don’t grow when they lie!

I openly admit that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report present skewed information for the sake of a few laughs.  However, in the midst of their humor, these two shows actually present an image of today’s politician that possesses some merit.  How many times have we seen a single politician state that “A is absolutely true” today even though they professed with extreme gusto that “A will absolutely NEVER be true” just a week ago?  Do our politicians ever read their speeches?  Do they listen to the words that they utter in front of video cameras?  Do they understand that video cameras actually record their speeches for all posterity?  Do they understand that The Daily Show and The Colbert Report will dig through all that video tape to find blatant contradictions?  Don’t they feel like idiots, always backtracking, contradicting themselves and basically acting like Bozo?  The word hypocrisy comes to mind, yet again.

I find even more frustrating our nation’s current financial situation.  Mr. Bernanke and Mr. Paulson amaze me.  Let’s say that I walk into my local financial institution during a period of great prosperity when money falls from the sky, everyone’s bank account reflects prosperity and security and life is good.  Chances of getting money would be pretty good, right?

“Excuse me Mr. Lender.  My name is Vanessa and I would like $70,000.  I won’t tell you why I need this money.  I won’t allow you to oversee how I use the money.  In fact, I’ll probably pad my own bank account because I’m so special I should never have to do without a really high income.  Oh yeah … one more thing … I won’t even guarantee that I’ll pay it all back.  You’ll probably get most of it though.  So let’s do it.  Let’s sign those papers NOW.  No time to waste.  Do it NOW.”

Visions of lead balloons, falling from the sky, fill my thoughts.   No way in Hades.  Yet, Mr. Bernenke and Mr. Paulson find this very argument quite sound in their time of need … no wait, I mean our country’s time of need because Mr. Bernenke and Mr. Paulson can’t be held responsible for this catastrophe.  It’s not like it’s their JOB to keep our country financially viable or anything.  Anyway, back to my point.  I’m sure all those fantastically smart, responsible and intuitive CEOs and other officials who have brought our country down to her knees surely don’t deserve to lose their own homes.  Forget the fact that so many of us “everyday citizens” are, in fact, losing our homes every single day.  Forget the fact that so many of us “everyday citizens” are, in fact, struggling to get through these “rough times” and must figure out how to survive, day to day, using only our own devices.  How about allocating $350 billion several months ago to help those people who truly are losing their houses?  I believe our nation’s leaders didn’t think that appropriate.  It really does seem that the politicians we elect to protect and lead us do nothing but take from and endanger us.  God Bless America.

I believe that every politician should live within the same constraints as the average member of their constituency.   For example, mayors would receive as their annual income, the average income of people in their town.  Senators should receive the average income of people in their state.  The President of the United States should receive the average income of all Americans.  The same concept should apply to health care.  Take the average health care plan of a given constituency and that should be the health care plan of their leader.  Something tells me the standard of living across the entire United States would change over night.  Instead of citizens paying for politicians to take chartered jets from here to there, we could instead pay for their gas at a rate of 58.5 cents per mile if they drive from here to there OR we could pay for a coach plane ticket.  Again, I believe increases in our standard of living would occur overnight.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel incredibly grateful to possess citizenship in one of the greatest countries on this planet.   I just think it’s time for change.  It’s time for politicians to act like responsible adults, not 4th graders on the playground during lunchtime.  Is that really so hard?

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Sun, Sep 21 2008 by Vanessa.

I swear, this Universe thing might be a little spooky or maybe just overwhelmingly interesting.  Yes, many say that my experiences are  just coincidence or I’m reading into things too much.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  The process of selling off a life seems to be more than we bargained for at times so I find comfort in believing that the Universe helps us along.  Feeling overwhelmed, wondering what to do next, trying to figure out how to proceed … if only Amazon.com sold a book called “Selling Off Your Life For Dummies.”

This morning, John and I both felt a sense of stand-still.  At least that’s what I’m guessing it was.   Anticipation fills a human body with pangs of joy but at times waiting for something, something that’s life-consuming and life-changing, turns the positive aspects of anticipation into frustration.  Frustration because you must wait.  I am reminded of tiny children demanding what they desire.  “I want it NOW!  I want my new life NOW!”    Anyway, for a couple weeks my to-do list included “Try to sell Halloween stuff on Craigslist” so this morning I thought to myself, “Why not now?  If I wait I’ll lose my Halloween-Is-Right-Around-The-Corner window and we gotta get rid of some of this stuff.”  So, I got out the camera, took pictures of some of my favorite Halloween decorations and uploaded them to Craigslist.

Less than 6 hours after my upload to Craigslist we received two calls.  The first couple to show up took all of our big stuff.  I said goodbye to my dancing/singing Frankie and Mr. Skeleton.  I always loved those two guys.  I found them so funny I’d routinely fall to the floor with laughter when they performed.   I also said goodbye to my 2ft tall, light up ghost and mini-Frankie.  So long guys!  I loved having you around.

The mere fact that our big, bulky and most “expensive” items sold so quickly made us thankful … of course, to the Universe.  The Universe helped us find new homes for our largest items and brought us a bit of pocket change all at the same time.  Then, the second group of people came and John openend his big mouth and said “We have Christmas decorations too!”  My first thought was, “Wait wait wait, I have no plan for this.”  Then it hit me.  I don’t need a plan.  I _used_ to need a plan.  I now need situations, just like this, to learn to act spontaneously and completely without a plan designed to comfort me and ensure that everything goes “just right.”  So to my closet I went and I started grabbing box after box of Christmas decorations.  The ladies took quite a bit of it.  So, not only did my Halloween postings find homes for some of my Halloween stuff but it found homes for some of my Christmas stuff as well.

Okay, no biggie.  Holiday decorations found homes.  Big deal.  The “Huh?” part of our experience came about 45 minutes after the second group of shoppers left The Pappas Flea Market.  The phone rang.  John answered.  The second group of shoppers called back to see how much we wanted for our house.  “Huh?”  We mentioned that everything we own will soon be sold but “HUH?”  “Huh?”  Did I mention, “Huh?”  Funny enough, we just scheduled an appointment for our realtor to come out, this Tuesday, to help guide us on our remodeling choices.   So, John told the shoppers that we’d talk with her, figure out a good pre-renovation price as well as an after-renovation price and get back to them.  A simple set of Craigslist advertisement for Halloween decorations might result in an offer on our house.  Seriously, all I can say is “Huh?”

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Fri, Sep 19 2008 by Vanessa.

Ignorance truly is bliss.  The older I get the more appreciative I become of a sheltered life.  That’s not to say I’d choose the sheltered life now that I’m learning the truth about our world.  I just understand why many people refuse to leave that sheltered space full of warmth, comfort and safety.  I remember how easy life was twenty-some years ago, living on the prairie, riding my bike for hours on end with my brother, traipsing through the Yucca and Indian Paintbrush looking for fossils and in general, exploring the world in which I lived.  Exactly when did the reality of life start to creep in?  I don’t know.  I honestly, don’t know.

I remember heading off to college, pulling into a parking space in front of my new dormitory, peering up at that huge building from the driver’s seat, finding comfort in the fact that my brother sat next to me in the passenger’s seat, thinking to myself “This is it.  I have to start doing my own grocery shopping.”  Ha!  Food was my first major concern.  Maybe that moment was the first moment when true “grown-up” responsibility started to creep into my life.  I don’t remember feeling any type of grown-up feelings or thinking many grown-up thoughts before that.

I also remember feeling a bit overwhelmed picking out our first washing machine and dryer.  “Can we afford this?  It’s like $900 for these two machines!  Do we really need them?  Yes, we do because we’re spoiled.  What a large purchase!  I feel so grown-up and scared!”  I still find it hard to believe that the purchase of a washing machine and matching dryer really freaked me out.  Thankfully my first “large” purchase as an adult wasn’t a house!

My latest encounter with adult responsibility dug up feelings of sadness and extreme guilt.  I love animals.  Always have.  I routinely passed up Barbie Dolls in favor of stuffed animals as a child.  I own four dogs and foster 1 other.  Maybe I should live on a farm.  Anyway, a simple lunch meeting with old friends forced me to reconsider my eating habits.  The truth of the matter is that America must produce A LOT of meat to feed our population and the methods used to cultivate this meat are often less than friendly.  One of my lunch buddies told me a story about her “accidental” change to a vegetarian diet.  She recently surfed the ever-informative Internet for vegetable recipes when a film called “Meet Your Meat” popped up.  Not realizing the true intent of the film, my friend played it.  I’m not sure if this proved to be her first introduction to animal cruelty but it struck a chord in her and she made an immediate decision to stop supporting such horrible actions.  Seeing her decline cheese on her salad because of the high probability that a dairy cow suffered intolerable acts of cruelty in order to create that cheese made me realize I need to make a change myself.  Many years back I started a search for a farm or ranch that raised their own animals to ensure that their stock lived happy animal lives.  However, life got the best of me and I wound up going back to HEB or CostCo for my meat.  Well, now that I’ve been reminded of the horrible lives many animals lead just so I can have a cheeseburger, I know I have to do something.

I’m looking into Kosher meats and farmers market’s.  Admittedly, I’m a bit scared and overwhelmed but I know it’s important.  If someone boxed one of my dogs into a pen, even for an hour,  that forced them to stay standing because there isn’t enough room to even lay down comfortably I’d lose it.  Pigs, I’ve heard, are extremely intelligent critters and being forced into similar box-like pens for the entire extent of their life just kills me inside.  How can people do that?  How can they get a kick out of hurting animals?  How can they look at suffering and not be repulsed?   How can they cut off a bird’s beak or burn it off, knowing the pain that animal experiences in the process?

I can’t bring myself to watch “Meet Your Meat”.  I don’t feel I need to.  I already know that it is my responsibility to at least know what may be happening due to my purchase of meat or dairy products from the local grocer.  This knowledge is enough.  I don’t need graphic pictures of animal cruelty to make me take responsibility.  I can’t change the world but I can choose who gets my hard-earned money.  I’m choosing not to give my dollars to those people who torture animals for profit.  One step at a time, I’ll get there.  I hear the HEB on NW Military has a good Kosher section.  Maybe I’ll check it out today.

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Fri, Sep 12 2008 by Vanessa.

If I’ve said it once I’ll say it a million more times and then once more for good measure.  All the best things in life, including pure inspiration, come from Colorado.  I am biased, I know.  However it’s true.  During my last trip to CO I encountered a fabulous shade of paint called Desert Castle.  Imagine a creamy mocha like color.  Very neutral yet it really forces the white baseboards and door trim to pop off the wall.  It’s a soothing color and of course, being a neutral, really “goes” with everything.  So to Desert Castle … welcome to your newest home!  One problem.  I can’t find a paint chip called Desert Castle.  Perusing other similar shades of paint chip I managed to come across a really close match (at least I think it is based on what I can remember of the famous Desert Castle) called Puppy Paws.  OK, Universe.  I hear you.  Puppy Paws it is.  Could any other color really truly fit in our house?  Puppy Paws.  What a great name for the new shade of paint which will, soon enough, cover our now stark-white walls.

My best friend in the entire world introduced me to Desert Castle.  This is not a shocking fact, seeing as how she manages to get everything in life just right.  She is such an amazing person and another reminder of how full my life has always been.  I find the term “best friend” lacking in this case though.  She’s not a sister in terms of biological definition.  Truly, I find it hard to believe that if I did have a sister we would be any closer than my friend and I.  I may be completely off my rocker here but I think we might actually be closer than sisters simply because we don’t “have” to be close like sisters do.  We make the CHOICE to love each other.  We don’t “have” to love each other.  Our relationship exists because we both CHOOSE for it to exist.  At any moment either one of us could say “That’s it.”  No more friendship.  Maybe even more common, we just get too busy with life and let the friendship slowly dissolve.  No more friendship.  However, no matter what happens in life we manage to keep each other nearby.  Of course, a good smorgasbord including Fritos Scoops and queso dip, brownies, crab cheese wontons, ice cream, Chinese food and now pesto, basil, cream cheese dip and veggies will keep up forever bound.  :)  I also believe that we watch out for each other, despite the miles between us.  Not a single doubt exists in my mind  that if either of us had an emergency the other would be sitting on the next available plane.  I know with 100% certainty that she and I will share the rest of our lives together, as fantastic friends, always creating fun wherever we are.  I know this like I’ve never known another friendship.  My friend is so unique and so special to me.  Words are just not enough.  So, how do I know that my friend and I will forever be friends?  She’s my female version of John.  The first time she whapped me upside the head and said, “Don’t you see, John and I are exactly alike expect I’m a girl and he’s a boy.”  I almost fell over.  Since then, I’ve openly and repeatedly said, “You and John.”  They really are so incredibly alike.  Just like I’ve never questioned my decision to marry John, I’ve never questioned my friendship with my best friend.

The saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” is a reminder I give myself often and have recited over and over the last 8 - 10 years.  Especially when life deals me a situation that seems hopeless, I remind myself that my past is full of disappointments and rough times but each and every one of those disappointments and rough times wound up bringing something to my life that I am forever thankful for.  You gotta take the good with the bad!  Back in 1995 and 1996 when selecting a college consumed most of my energy, I felt a bit of heartbreak when Johns Hopkins placed me on their wait list.  Had I received an acceptance letter, I’m pretty sure my bags would have been packed and shipped to Maryland, immediately.  Thankfully, the Universe brought this disappointment into my life so that I would send my bags to Golden, CO instead.  It was at Colorado School of Mines that I met my best friend and I still maintain that it was worth going through the depths of hell (that’s what my 4 years at Mines felt like most of the time) to find my angel … my best friend.   We have endured a lot together, including a separation of many miles for most of our friendship, but I’ve never felt like I was that far from her.  I think that says a lot.

So again, here’s to Section 2 where I will not put my “responsibilities” before my friend.  I will never ever go an entire year and a half without seeing her.  She’s too precious to me and too important to neglect.  This is my written vow.  Never again will I wait so long to spend time with one of the most important people in my life.   Never.

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