The one where my Mustang finds a new home

Sat, Sep 06 2008 by Vanessa.

Tears have been shed.  A toast has been made.  My car is gone.

A car is just a hunk of metal, plastic and glass.  I know this in my head so why does my heart disagree?  Both my brain and heart reside in the same body, thus, one would think they’d form a united front.  They should stand together in unanimous agreement.  They should hold the same picket signs and take part in the same protests.  They should celebrate together, cry together and stop confusing the hell out of me.

Why does my heart feel sad that my Mustang found a new family?  My brain tells me that it will probably be washed more times in the next 3 months than in the last 3 years.  I’m pretty sure it’ll be driven WAY more in the next week than it was in the last month.  My car found itself a new home with someone who will probably worship it and care for it better than I have.  My Mustang now belongs to a “responsible looking kid” (according to John) whose father decided to purchase him his first car.  The smallest, teeniest, tiniest part of me does feel excitement for the kid.  I remember getting my first car … a $300 Mercury Zephyr that forced me to walk more than I ever had before.  That poor Zephyr just didn’t want to run.  :)  It’s exciting to taste that first hint of freedom though.  Feeling one of your many teenage chains breaking, allowing you to stretch just a little further beyond your childhood boundaries and limitations than you ever have before feels exhilarating.  The thought that “I can drive myself home from school without waiting for someone else.” was so cool.  Remembering those days takes some of my pain and feeling of loss away.

“But it’s just a car.” says my brain.

“No, it’s MY car.”  says my heart.

“No, it’s someone else’s car.” says my brain.  “Simplification!!!  You now have 2 cars to worry about instead of 3!”

“But the Mustang didn’t really complicate life.” mourns the heart.

“Your insurance payments will go down!!!”  my brain excitedly points out.

“Shut up” cries my heart.

Selling off our life truly is what I need at this point.  I know there’s another life out there full of fulfillment and excitement and meaning and I want THAT.  THAT life requires few if any tangible objects.   Therefore, I gotta jump off this cliff.  I gotta grab on to John’s hand and just jump.  I now believe this entire adventure is one of those things that will lead to something wondrous and amazing.  I believe that at the end of this journey we’re going to find a life that we can’t believe we ever lived without, a life that we can’t believe everyone else hasn’t already started living, a life that even the pit of my stomach agrees makes sense.

I miss my Mustang.  I hate the thought of coming home to a garage without my Mustang.   But then I realize that I’ve believed society for too long.  Grow up, get a job, buy a house and cars, fill the house with furniture, pay bills, buy the nice things in life you want because you deserve it.  What I didn’t understand was that I had to keep working to maintain all those worldly possessions.  I did not understand that my time would no longer be my own.  I failed to realize that I would HAVE to get up each morning and make money to sustain this life.  I received incomplete information and signed a contract that required me to give up a part of my life and a part of my real identity to sustain a life that I thought I was supposed to have.  In a strange way, realizing that all of my many teenage chains reformed, now preventing me from moving even the tiniest bit in any direction, overwhelms me.  All those chains that I thought I shed managed to multiply.  At least during my teenage years I could relax a bit each night.  I really could just enjoy the evening.  No worries about bills.  No planning for the future.  I just enjoyed the evening.

Here’s to enjoying my evenings again.  Here’s to waking up each morning (or at least a majority of mornings) and asking the question “What do I WANT to do today?”  Here’s to simplification.  1 car down, 1 car and the rest of our stuff to go! 

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