The one with too many irons

Too many irons in the fire.  Several people in my life come to mind when I think about having too many irons in the fire.  For some strange reason, my graduate school adviser always jumps to the top of my Too Many Irons list.  That woman is amazing and I just cannot fathom how and when she might sleep.  Is she a robot?  Maybe.  It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that underneath her human-like appearance a very complicated arrangement of widgets and pulleys manipulate her limbs, giving the rest of us the impression that she walks and talks just like any other human.

Another friend recently took on 3 foster children ranging in age from just a few months to 6 years, in addition to her own son, husband, and full time job.  Again, the math does not add up for me.  How she accomplishes everything that must be done in a day to balance all those responsibilities amazes me.  Granted, her husband is a huge help but he’s enrolled full time in school.  To think that these two humans can keep track of 4 other little humans plus juggle the responsibilities of their other full time committments really is admirable.

The most shocking example of someone with too many irons in the fire snuck up on me the other day, like a ghost in the dark.  Me.  Myself.  Vanessa.  People who genuinely love and care about me have uttered warnings for some time now.  Each time I listened to their concerns and admitted that they were right.  Then I turned around and took on one more thing.  In my view and in all honesty, I always believed that the “one more thing” I wanted to take on wouldn’t be that much extra work.  Afterall, it’s just one more thing.  One more of anything can’t be that bad, can it?

Well, the day has come and I now realize I probably need a support group.  Maybe something like Overachievers Anonymous.  I hesitate to use the word “overachiever” because too many people associate overachieving with “good” things such as success, talent, money, etc…  In reality, overachievement creates fantastic things in life but just as with anything, too much is detrimental to your health.  Society fails to associate overchievement with exhaustion, loss and confusion.  Take a look at The Cosby Show.  As a child I watched The Cosby Show thinking to my little self, “Look self.  Doctors and Lawyers find happiness and contentment in life.  Their houses are beautiful.  Lots of friends come to visit them each day.  They always concoct perfect solutions for every problem that arises and they do it in only 22 minutes.”  Why didn’t I ever stop to think, “Self, why are Cliff and Claire always home?”  I remember just a handful of episodes where one or the other actually went to work.  Why didn’t I think about the bills they had to pay and the appointments they had to schedule and the home maintenance that came up every month?  Why didn’t I ever wonder when they dust their furniture?

Well, reality decided to enter my life a few days ago and I now realize that deep down inside I no longer desire a label of overachiever.  I no longer desire the labels smart, hard working, successful, professional, etc….  I openly admit that I no longer care how society labels me because no matter what I do some people will revere me, some people will criticize me and some people won’t give me a second thought.  I’m tired.  I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and it’s because I placed too many irons in my fire.  I finally admit it.  I keep working and building and planning and for what?  To never see my closest friends?  To miss Holidays with my family?  To always have the excuse “I can’t, I have too much work to do.” keep me from really living life and enjoying myself?

I look back on the last year and wonder why my mental processes have changed so much.  Is it “old age” or just that I’m tired?  Is it a feeling that I’m missing out on what life should be?   I certainly don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made in life.  I know for a fact that I’d do it all again the same exact way if a time machine transported me back in time.  But I also know for a fact that there’s more to life than just achieving things.  There’s more to life than simply putting irons in a fire.  So now the challenge is to figure out what irons to put in my fire and when, in order to achieve a balance.  I know I can do it and frankly, I’m really excited to re-read my posts in 6 months, a year, and many years from today.  The thought of looking back at how I’m feeling today, at the beginning of this new journey, and seeing how many irons I’ve thrown away and replaced with irons that have meaning is so exciting.  John and I make changes everyday, even if they’re small changes, to create a new, simplified life full of meaning.  I know that Section 2 is what I want.  That seems like a good start, if nothing else.

This entry was posted on Thu, Nov 13 2008 at 15:28 and is filed under Vanessa's Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.