Tue, Jun 07 2011 by Vanessa.

I’m not overly impressed but not disappointed.  It’s not a raving review but neither is it glaring.  Dallas is …. Dallas. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings | No Comments »

Wed, Jan 26 2011 by Vanessa.

Yesterday John and I arrived at the ice rink to find very few cars parked out front.  SCORE!  We’ll have the entire rink to ourselves, we said almost in unison.  Grand illusions of skating backwards, practicing two foot turns without worry of falling on someone and enjoying the peace and quite of a slightly chilled ice rink with only a few other skaters danced through our heads.  We quickly walked up to the front door, scampered up to the entrance window to get our passes initialed and then saw the mass of young children skating counterclockwise around the rink.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings | No Comments »

Sat, Jan 08 2011 by Vanessa.

Usually I refuse to make a resolution for the New Year because really … if I’m only resolving to improve my life one day a year things aren’t going to go so well for me.  However this year is different.  For 2011, I really do want to improve my blogging consistency.  In thinking about the contents of today’s blog I realized that I never wrote about my surfing experience in Costa Rica!  How horrible is that?  I took a trip all the way down to Costa Rica with my best friend to learn how to surf and I never captured the details for posterity.  I guess blog post #2 for 2011 has been identified!
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings | No Comments »

Wed, Sep 01 2010 by Vanessa.

Recently, I found the need to summarize how our lives changed over the last couple years and who partially encouraged that change.  For posterity, I’m posting that response here.   Jim and Jenny refer to Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy.  They both appeared on Oprah and strangely convinced me to read A New Earth.

I remember the day that Jim and Jenny appeared on Oprah because I found
myself sitting in my home office, coding away. The ability to work
from home finally made its way into my life after years of begging,
pleading and otherwise trying to convince my employers that a
software engineer only needs a laptop and a connection to the
internet to be productive. Alas, no one ever listened to me so I
started my own, very humble, custom software development company. At
the time that Jim and Jenny entered my life I had been “on my own”
for at least a year. I loved the freedom of making my own schedule.
I truly enjoyed working from my home office where I could take a
quick break to throw a load of laundry in the washing machine or
vacuum the stairs quickly. Somehow, I still felt incomplete. I
found myself confused and irritated. After all, over the years I
checked off all the boxes that society insisted lead to a happy and
fulfilling life. I behaved and respected my elders as a small child.
I took my studies seriously and even graduated as Valedictorian of
my class. I enrolled in a demanding college and completed all the
requirements for a BS in Mathematical and Computer Sciences in three
years. I immediately began work on an MS, also in Mathematical and
Computer Sciences, and three quarters of the way through, married my
high school sweetheart and moved to Vandenberg AFB in California
where he was stationed. I finished up my MS, found employment with a
“large employer with great benefits” and even began teaching at
local colleges. At this point I began thinking, “OK. We’re here.
We’re on our own, we’ve chosen respectable careers with respectable
employers. We’re doing all the things we “should” be doing, so
why are we so unhappy?”

Fast forward 8 years. My husband finished up his commitment to the
military, we started 3 different businesses and still found ourselves
with an overwhelmingly wonderful but incomplete life. It was around
this point that I saw Jenny and Jim on Oprah’s show and couldn’t
believe that I would have anything at all in common with them.
They’re big and boisterous and rich and famous! I am not. Yet, Jim
spoke of conversations that took place in his head where he would
reprimand people for something they had done and he new exactly what
he’d say the next time so-and-so did “that”. He spoke about the
time he wasted, on a regular basis, reliving past moments and
worrying about people he disagreed with. Jenny talked about never
being present because she was always worried about paying a bill or
taking care of her child. She lived her life completely distracted
and found herself unable to truly focus on anything. I realized, I
had these thoughts and actions too. Maybe I had to consider the fact
that Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy were human beings and maybe, just
maybe, we had something in common. By the end of the show I knew I
had to read A New Earth and so I did.

My husband read the book with me. It struck a chord with both of us and
we started viewing the world in terms of the present moment. We
watched the online classes Oprah provided with Eckert leading the
way. Everything Eckert said made sense. I finally began to
understand that I am an adult human being who can choose any life I
want. I tried the route that society said leads to happiness and
found myself less than impressed. Why not create my own route?

Also around this time my husband realized he needed to leave the business
he helped start 3 years earlier. Too much negativity seeped into our
lives with that particular endeavor and so we started making plans to
leave. The largest hurdle that immediately confronted us was my
husband’s desire to become an IT mercenary. Being an IT mercenary
meant a lot of travel and a lot of travel meant many nights apart. A
lifestyle separated from my best friend would not be tolerated.
After all, my thought processes began morphing around this time and I
began to believe that I could create a life on my own terms. I
finally felt a bit of courage and freedom to say NO to the path
society preaches and YES to the path that makes sense in my heart.
So, my initial solution to the IT mercenary problem involved a small
RV that would allow the dogs and I to travel with my husband on
occasion. That left me with an image of a mostly empty house that I
still had to maintain and clean and now an RV as well. “What if we
just lived in the RV full time?” I blurted out the words faster
than my brain could keep up and for a very brief moment wondered
about my own sanity. We were on elliptical machines at the time and
I remember my husband turning to look at me with a look of complete
disbelief. All he could say was, “Are you at all serious?” I
confirmed that I was so we began making plans.

First, we had to finish remodeling the house we purchased just a year or so
earlier. This gave us a lot of time together to contemplate Eckert’s
teachings and what we wanted from life. We agreed that the point of
life had to be experiences. If you didn’t experience life then what
was the point? Surely our lives had more purpose than warming an
office seat and pressing keys on a keyboard for the majority of our
existence. So, we turned the remodeling of our house into an
experience. We gained so much skill and insight as we installed
tile, tore out then installed 2700 sq ft of flooring, painted walls
and cabinets, installed new lighting fixtures … you name it, we
learned how to do it.

During the remodeling process we began selling off our belongings as well.
Craigslist proved to be a great friend. The first major item we sold
was my Mustang. I admit, I cried but from that point on it became
easier and easier to find new homes for our belongings. Once I
realized that our “things” were a burden and I truly internalized
Eckert’s idea that you never lose anything because it still exists
and it is still part of the energy of the whole, I felt free to sell
our things. Before we knew it we were down to 2 LaZBoys a set of TV
tables our mattress and dog beds. I’m sure owning only 2 LaZBoys and
a set of TV tables could not be classified as a Jim Carrey/Jenny
McCarthy kind of life but our goals were not to live their lifestyle
but instead take their advice and Eckert’s message and piece together
our own unique lifestyle.

We finished remodeling in September 2009 and purchased HaRVy our RV in
October 2009. At the time we also owned a black F350 dully named
Carrie. We chose Carrie to be her name because she was going to
carry us, our four dogs and our few belongings across this great
country. Being a members of our pack, HaRVy and Carrie needed
appropriate yet meaningful names! Well, we took off with Carrie
and HaRVy and headed straight for our mother’s houses. They both
live in CO and had no idea that we finally moved out of the house and
into HaRVy. You can imagine their surprise when we pulled up!

Another reason we headed straight for CO was our desire to convert Carrie
away from diesel fuel to straight vegetable oil. We knew that many
miles of travel would be in our future and rather than burning an
inordinate amount of “dead dinos” we felt we could utilize used
frying oil found at any fast food restaurant. If there is one thing
that every American town has, it’s a fryer! We planned the system
with the help of Phoundation for Change, located in Denver, CO, and
even implemented 99% of the plan. Sadly, the fuel pump arrived
defective and we needed to get on the road to begin work on a
contract in GA. We left CO, still burning diesel fuel and made it as
far as LA before disaster hit. My husband was driving and noticed
that something wasn’t right. We pulled over and found that Carrie
was leaking fuel. We rushed Carrie to the nearest mechanic who
reassured us that everything would be ok. So, back on the road we
went, in a rental car, finished up our work in GA and went back to LA
for Carrie. Thankfully, Carrie was “ready” to go so we hitched
HaRVy back up and down I10 we went. 90 miles later a fire engine
claimed the life of our dear Carrie. I ran from the car with 4 dogs
and a phone in tow, John beckoned assistance from two kind strangers
named Red Dog and Killer who managed to put the fire out, and we
spent the next 2 weeks stranded in Egan, LA.

At this point in our adventure, we considered whether or not the
Universe might be telling us something. Everything just felt so
right though. We couldn’t abandon this lifestyle over one little
fire. The search for a new truck began and lead us to Holly. We
debated whether to spell her name Hauly or Holly and decided that
Hauly looked too masculine.

Fast forward a few more months and San Antonio becomes our home. While
working on a contract downtown my husband parked Holly in a paid
parking lot for the day. Holly is a big girl. She’s an F550, crew
cab, long bed truck. She’s hard to park and just plain big. So you
can imagine his surprise when my husband left work for the day,
walked down to the parking lot and couldn’t find Holly. Poor Holly
caught the attention of a less than scrupulous individual who decided
to “borrow” her for a while. Fortunately, the police in a nearby
county found her abandoned the next day but she needed a bit of
mechanical attention in order to get back on her wheels. Holly just
returned home to her pack last week so we plan to get on the road
again, as soon as we get her new brakes and tires! However, an
interesting experience that came from this adventure was living as a
single-car family. My husband and I always owned our own cars and
never found ourselves in a position where we were forced to share one
car. Yet another great experience for our book!

So that’s a very brief description of our adventures. The interesting
thing, in my opinion, is the realization that we are not a one
stereotype couple. As I mentioned previously, our parents made sure
to drill into our heads the importance of education. So naturally, I
grew up thinking that I would go straight through college, winding up
with a PhD, then take over a company. I pictured myself wearing
suits, attending meetings, delegating tasks and leading the way! Yet
in all of that I never bothered to look at those pictures and
determine whether or not I looked happy. It never occurred to me to
envision a picture of happiness. I just assumed that happiness
naturally followed this life plan. Turns out, I got tired of school
after my MS, I hate dressing up in suits and I especially hate
pantyhose, meetings quickly turned out to be the least favorite part
of my day, I tend to do things on my own because I want them done
right and I don’t really want to lead anyone anywhere. So,
everything I dreamed of turned out to be exactly that which does not
bring me happiness. So I guess I’m not just an educated business
woman. That lead to the question, who am I?

Eckert helped and continues to help me answer this question. I realize I am
not any of the labels I place on myself. However, I also understand
my brain developed lots and lots of labels over the years and those
labels created mental boundaries. If I’m supposed to be an educated
woman who takes over and leads companies to success I can’t possibly
be a “red neck” or a “hippy”, can I? The answer for me winds
up being, yes, I CAN be all of those things. Besides carrying the
educated label, I found through the last year or so that I also have
hippy tendencies. I care about the environment, I actively search
for food sources that are responsible and morally focused, and I want
to convert my truck to run on used french fry grease for heaven’s
sake! My dogs have a holistic vet and we frequently visit to get a
little acupuncture, chiropractic or herbal remedies. I also find
myself staring at Holly sometimes wondering how I went from
purchasing small sporty cars to a big old F550 and then I look at
HaRVy and realize that my house has wheels. Maybe I’m a little red
neck too. But I’m not. I’m simply me. Eckert has shown me that the
labels we use in America to identify everyone and everything, forces
us into a position where we restrict ourselves to living lifestyles
that don’t suit us. We grow up, in this glorious nation full of
endless possibilities, with mental mindsets that box us into specific
stereotypes of who we are and who we should be. These mindsets wind
up limiting who we really are and what makes us really happy. I need
a little bit of education, red neck and hippy stereotyping to make me
happy and fulfilled. So in the end, Eckert is right. I find no need
for labels anymore. I am who I am and that doesn’t need a label.
That freedom from labels has allowed me to search for a full complete
life that makes me happy and I am incredibly thankful for that.

So, I guess it was Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy that initially grabbed
my attention but Eckert deserves some credit for the changes I feel
in my life as well. And of course, thank you to Oprah. The fact
that she had the courage over the years to create a talk show that
benefits, uplifts and makes better people out of her viewers is
commendable. Instead of throwing chairs around her studio she had
the courage to hand out books. Instead of wasting money on crazy DNA
tests she donated to worthy causes. Thank you Oprah!

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings | No Comments »

Mon, May 31 2010 by Vanessa.

So the last couple of months have been rather decent.  I’m starting to feel as though life is slowing down, the days are presenting themselves in such a fashion that I can actively take part in them and be present.  I’m able to look around a bit more, I pay attention to the world around me and once in a while truly see all of the nature, people and events that go on around me.  In doing so I have come to believe that many Americans, including myself, may have very few instincts.  So how do we survive?  Have our instincts simply evolved into more of a set of habitual survival skills?

I first came to have this thought while watching my dogs.  Yes, it’s another dog story.  Watching a domesticated animal live in limbo, somewhere between wild and “human”, is almost saddening.  Recently I had to leave my precious babies under the care of strangers working at a Pet Resort in Albany, GA.  I knew nothing life-threatening would happen to them during their week long stay.  It was as clear as day, as factual as 2 + 2 and my body and mind contained not the slightest bit of apprehension or true fear that they will not greet me when I finally returned and walked through the kennel doors.  They don’t have that same reassurance in their daily goings-on though.  Each one of my dogs showed signs of fear as they were taken from me and were kindly but forcefully taken into the kennel, away from their pack leaders.  They did not have the same knowledge that I had in that moment of separation.  In their world and in their eyes, this was a situation to pay special attention to and fear.  As we walk down the street each day I watch our dogs and how their body language and actions change on a dime.  One moment we’re walking along, happy as can be and then a “danger” appears or is detected and immediately they go on alert.  My dogs live in the wild.  My dogs live in a world where you still have to consider survival, threats and imminent danger.  I don’t.  And I don’t think that many other Americans really know what living in fear truly means.

 So how did we come to a place where we (Americans) live in the same space as wild animals and yet find ourselves so protected and safe that we no longer instinctively look for danger?  As young children we learn to look both ways before crossing the street.  However, this is not an instinctual act that prevents harm from coming our way.  We have to be told to look both ways (repeatedly, I’m sure) as a child and it’s not an action that stems from an instinctual need to survive.  It’s more of a cautionary action or habit that we form to prevent harm.  Yes, it is an action designed to prevent death or injury but not in the same way as an animal continually scanning its surroundings for a predator.  Babies find it necessary and natural to cry when they need help.  As we mature, this type of reaction to our environment is not only frowned upon but is not tolerated after a certain number of years.

Somewhere along the way, our country developed a mindset or a basic set of guidelines that we all (mostly) accept and obey.  We make hunting at the local grocery store incredibly easy.  We run from any discomfort with pills, HVAC systems and ice cream.  How then do we survive?  When I really stop to think about myself as a single entity on this “wild” planet, when I really look at my most basic survival skills, when I contemplate what I would do if I really lived in the wild, I feel helpless.  I believe that we vainly separate ourselves from all other animals and put ourselves on an unjustified pedestal because when you really boil it down we are animals.   Yes, we learn behaviors that appear to separate us from all other living creatures but when you boil it down and look at the most basic behaviors of most humans, the results strangely resemble those of “wild” animals.

In the end though, I’m quite glad that we’ve come to a place where scanning our surroundings continually is not necessary.  It allows me to take more time each day to just be present and enjoy everything that surrounds me.  Life is truly enjoyable these days.  I find myself overwhelmed by mini-episodes of almost uncontrollable giddiness.   I find myself waking up each morning with a feeling of contentment and true happiness.  I worry less and when I do start to worry I am able to put my worry into perspective and see that my worry or fear is usually just an arbitrary idea that society put into my head.  When I really analyze my worries I see that the worst possible case is truly, not that bad.  The most interesting part is that when I remove my worry and fear I start to feel more of the world around me.  When I am present with my day and I get out of my head I notice more of the world around me.  I feel the breeze on my cheeks, I hear the birds chirping overhead, I smell the aroma of flowers alongside the road.  All these sensations should be instinctively noticed, I would think, by all living creatures.  Yet somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to sense these things.  I remember experiencing them as a child.  Maybe we’re just more instinctively tied to our world as children.  Whatever it is, I’m glad that I’m once again noticing the world around me!

 And Happy Birthday to my little Ralph.  His instincts and my protection have kept him safe and sound for 10 years today!

Posted in Vanessa's Ramblings, Blogroll | No Comments »